Ocean full of change

Hello guys! I really did miss you all this past week. I haven’t taken a break from blogging in awhile and, although it was needed, I don’t think I’ll be taking another one anytime soon. It was like I didn’t feel like myself without sitting down and writing through what was on my mind. Let me tell you, there is so much going on right now. I feel like my life is a mess yet everything is still moving. My attention is being pulled in a million different directions and I have a lot of decisions ahead of me.

In all of this, for the first time in a very long time, I feel confident. I am confident that the Lord is moving in this season of my life and in me. I feel confident in myself which is making my mess of a life feel like it is put together (on the inside).

With the end of the year just around the corner, I feel like every aspect of my life is coming to a finish. My school year is rounding out, my track season is officially over, and some crazy changes are happening in my family. I feel like I am on the edge of a very restful and God-filled summer… I just have to make it through these last few days!

Now we’re about to get real metaphorical… stay with me here.

I feel like I am standing on the edge of this year, everywhere I look there are things begging for my attention. I am surrounded with this ocean full of change. My finals are stressing me out, my summer plans have me living in anxiety, and my plans for the next year of my life are shady and unclear. Yet, in all of this, my desire for adventure, my desire for experience and the sheer excitement feeling of leaping into the water despite what may happen, has me inching towards the ocean.

God is not the God of confusion. He doesn’t aim to leave us basking for air or running blindly. He doesn’t laugh as his children wander. He chases us, he shows up, he sometimes even slaps us in the face (not literally) with the truth we needed. Sometimes we have to walk miles to find an open door, sometimes we have to run into a few walls before we find it, but other times, he places the door right in front of us and we just have to walk through it.

But this time, there are two doors. Or, at least two doors that I see. I can either choose to live in the door that is comfortable, easy and fully accepted. The door holds a lot of promises and great joys. The other door is intriguing. I don’t know what it holds, but… for some reason, the door is there. The door was created and placed right in front of me. It will be challenging and very very uncomfortable for me. Yet, it is still there.

The crazy thing is that, four months ago, I don’t know if I would have even seen the door. Maybe I would have seen the door but just kept on walking. Just to turn my head the other way and walk full speed ahead. But that isn’t the case. A few months ago I had this similar feeling. I was lead to make a decision that wasn’t easy for me. It would be painful for myself and for others. It would shatter things I held dearly to my heart and would shatter the future I was planning. After weeks of tears, I finally made my decision. And I kid you not, the moment I chose to obey the Lord, I was overwhelmed with an unexpected sense of peace and protection. I was given strength and joy that is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced before.

I was given this hope for the future, a new drive to challenge myself, and was filled with new dreams and new aspirations. While this was the result of a tough decision, it had nothing to do with the actual decision. Jesus would be the ruler and king of my heart no matter what decision I chose. God can redeem anything. But my act of obedience proved to myself that I can do much more than I thought. I can let go of things I cling to and still survive.

With all of this being said and being truth. I don’t know what I will choose. I don’t know which door I will choose to walk through. I don’t know if I will lay on the edge and bask in the sun, or leave the warmth and leap in. So if you need me, I’ll be praying!

I’ll keep you guys updated! This next week, I dare you to jump in. I dare you to do the things that take every ounce of bravery you have. Let’s see if I can do the same.

XOXO, The Christian Prepster


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