Why is honesty so hard? I find it very difficult to be completely honest with myself sometimes. Not that I have something I am trying to deny, just that I try to blow past things in my life. If I can avoid dealing with hard things, I will. Every time.
Why is that? I have lived with myself the longest and know myself so well yet can’t be honest with myself sometimes. Anybody else like that?
I look at it this way, I have been in a very personal relationship with myself for so many years. I have experienced the good and the bad of life. I know what it is like to succeed and what it is like to fail. I know what it’s like to love myself and hate myself. I have loved who I am and have wished I was someone else. These are all feelings all humans have, but why? Why do we care so much? Why is my life all about me?
Because it shouldn’t be. My life goal is not to elevate myself. My mission isn’t to find the man I’m going to marry and find my dream job. Yet, my days seem to hint that my soul purpose in life is to succeed. But guys… I fail. I have failed so many times. That math test… yeah failed. That meet, yeah I failed. Being the perfect person… FAIL. If my life goal is to succeed I can never achieve that.
And this may sound strange, but I am done with me. I am officially breaking up with myself. I am done trying to promote myself my skill, and my fake greatness. All ties are off. I am not going to blow through life reaching for the shiny things while the world around me needs help. I am not going to live in my self-made paradise while the world around me is at war. Not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.
Now the idea of breaking up with myself is great but how do you break up with yourself? I can’t just stop “hanging” with me. I will always be me. I will always live in this body and will always know myself. But, breaking up with myself means setting myself aside. Not living to satisfy myself. That means cracking open my Bible instead of scrolling through my social media pages.
That means building others up instead of bragging about myself.
It isn’t easy though. I don’t want you to think that breaking up with yourself is easy. It won’t be enjoyable because it isn’t natural for us to deny our flesh. It isn’t natural for us to seek others above ourselves. It isn’t natural to drop everything and run to God… but it is what we are made to do.
In this effort to break up with myself, I am going to exercise self-control. Self-control isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I tend to obsess over things and allow them to control my life. There are so many things that I could allow to fill my mind, but breaking up with myself means passing ownership of my thoughts over to the Lord. So bye-bye to obsessing over things because I am done with me. In addition to self-control, I am also going to sacrifice my time. I don’t need to spend an hour getting ready. I don’t need to choose to curl my hair instead of meeting with the God of creation. It’s dumb to spend time on something so worldly when my heavenly father is eagerly wanting to prepare me for the day ahead.
So today I am officially breaking up with myself. I am done seeking myself and am going to start seeking the Lord.
XOXO, The Christian Prepster