The Struggle

Text: Psalms 6

This post isn’t going to be as cheery and uplifting as the majority of my posts have been. Not because living life as a Christian isn’t full of joy and triumph, but because living as a Christian is really hard and, on many occasions, painful.

But when I read Psalms 6, I was caught off guard by the fact that I have never struggled as much as David did in this Psalm. David writes that his bones are shaking and his whole being is trembling with terror. His bed is damp with his tears and his eyes are swollen from grief. Now, this deep sadness and sorrow isn’t my goal. My goal isn’t to replicate these same terrible feelings David is presenting. Again, that is not my goal in this post AT ALL.

But I believe there is something to be said about how earnestly David is calling out to the Lord. When was the last time I cried out to the Lord? When was the last time my bones shook in his presence? Now, I know that David and I aren’t going through the same events and his life was a little more intense than my current stage. Yet, the bottom line is that I don’t think I cry out to God as much as David does.

Psalms 6 caused me to ask myself how badly I need God’s help. How desperate am I for him? When I am going through something difficult, do I go to Him first? Is He actually my sustainer? My savior? Or do I like to take the lead in the saving?

OUCH OUCH OUCH!

I think that this passage proves that I don’t know/respect God as much I thought I did. I don’t think I ever will know his full capabilities and I don’t believe we were created to know everything, but I know for a fact that we were created to honor him and trust him. Meaning that I should fully and 100% know that God is in control of everything and he is the man to talk to. He is my “in”. He is my “in” because he created everything, everyone, and knows everything. Why would I go to anyone else when I can go to the God of creation?

So half of me has been slapped in the face by how little I go to God about, the other half of me knows that I ignore a lot in my life. Let me elaborate.

I have gone through hard things, I have struggled with sin, repentance, and confession. I have experienced pain and many of the same feelings everyone in the Bible has felt (including David.) But what do I do when I am in pain? Say a little prayer and try to forget about the pain, forget about the sin, forget about needing to repent and just keep pushing forward? Yep that’s it.

Because that is what we are “supposed” to do, right? Forget and move on. Take mistakes in our stride and keep sprinting through life. Now, we are called to move on from our pasts and not live in them, but when we are going through hard times, we need to honor that hard time.

When I choose to sin, over and over again, as a Christian I can’t just forget and move on (I have tried and it doesn’t work.) I can’t just sin, think, “wow that was dumb” and then live a perfect life, free from sin.

Instead, I have to have the, not very enjoyable, conversation with my Heavenly father that looks something like this:

“God, I am so sorry I sinned against you. I knew it was wrong but gave into temptation anyways. I am so sorry for nailing you to that cross for that. It wasn’t worth it. But Lord, in the moment, I thought it was. I looked straight into the face of sin and denied my allegiance to you. I am beyond sorry Lord. I do not deserve your forgiveness but thank you for giving it to me. Give me the strength to deny my sinful flesh. ”

That is when the tears start falling. When the body starts shaking before the Lord because, in all reality, that sin I just committed caused Jesus to be mocked, wear a crown of thorns, and die on a cross. That sin, that stupid sin I thought would make me “happier” is what killed the perfect son of God.

And it scares me that when I do find myself praying this prayer, I don’t cry. I don’t shake and tremble. As if I see God’s ultimate sacrifice as something “cool” instead of something completely life-changing.

I can’t understand how hard it is for God to see my praise Him one moment and choose sin the next. I don’t grasp what that looks like. I don’t grasp the weight of my sin against the purity and perfection of Jesus Christ, the one punished for my actions.

BUT GUYS!!! HE FORGIVES US ANYWAYS. The sins you committed is the reason He died on the cross, BUT HE BEAT DEATH. He rose for your future. He rose so that you could live free from sin. Because sin was never meant to be the definition of your life.

That’s why David ends Psalms 6 confident in the fact that Jesus is listening to him and will deliver him from his situations.

So my prayer is to be crushed and pressed in order to fully rely on God. I offer my life to Him. I know He is good and even if the very worst is thrown at me, I know that God is faithful and will be with me.

Crush me and press me Lord in order for me to fully depend on you. Take away all of the things I cling to until you are all that is left. 

XOXO, The Christian Prepster

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