I went to a small, private Christian school when I was younger. In one of my classes (in the 5th grade I might add) we read Julius Caesar. Now many years have gone by and for some reason I still have a pretty detailed memory of this play. Something about it just stuck with me.
Towards the end, we read this line, “Et Tu Brute” which is Latin for, “And you Brute?” Julius Caesar’s friend, Brute, betrays him and is a factor in Caesar’s death. Something about this horrible moment has never left me.
Now, I have never been betrayed to that extent. But I know of someone who went through a similar thing but about 100 times worse. And I was in Brute’s position. I was the one who turned their back on Him and left Him both physically hurt by me and mentally hurt because of my actions.
I think that’s why this play always has had a place in my mind. Because I’ve been both of these people. I have been the betrayer and I have been betrayed.
I have been let down, I have been dropped from the mountain of hope in a moment of weakness. But the crazy thing is that I should have learned my lesson by now.
My sins are what nailed Jesus to the cross. My pride and selfishness was the weight on his shoulders. When one day I tell him he’s all I need and love, then the next day I find myself reaching for things outside of him.
I am a child of God, the chosen daughter of the true king… who was a factor in his death.
I know it hurts too, I know that being betrayed is a terrible feeling and one that leaves permanent wounds. But the amazing thing is that when I’m betrayed, and left staring at wounds created by people I thought would nurture me, I know that I am not alone.
Because the holiest person who ever walked on earth was also the most betrayed person who has ever walked on earth. He knows the feeling.
When I feel stabbed in the back, I can remember that Jesus was stabbed in the side. When I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I can remember that Jesus truly carried the weight of the world in the shape of a cross.
And when I think back on those truths of Jesus’ life… I can find comfort in knowing that I am not alone. It takes the attention off of my little feelings of betrayal and focuses them on the severity of Jesus’ betrayal.
That’s why “Et Tu Brute” has never left my mind. Because I’ve been in both places. But the amazing thing is that when I betrayed Jesus, he responded back in love. He took my place yet still wants to know me. Amazing.
XOXO, The Christian Prepster