I know this sounds bad, but this exact week and time of year always makes me a little sad and angry. It sounds bad because the end of the year brings so much hope and joy for the future. So many things (school in particular) come to an end and summer starts. Those things all make me happy. It’s around this time when I let my expectations get the best of me. I think of what could happen and (in my selfish mind) the things that I deserve to get or deserve to have given to me just because I’ve worked really hard. In fact, I remember writing a blog post around this time last year. And it’s crazy because I’ve grown so much since then yet I still find myself in the same spot. Hurt and broken because of my own expectations.
So I don’t know about you but from my own experiences… I think we need to work on our expectations. Because more often than not, those are the things that make us heartbroken. When we work really, really hard and expect to get rewarded but don’t. When we push ourselves and challenge ourselves and don’t see it paying off the way we thought it would.
Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not saying to just work hard and push yourself to get some reward or trophy. Because it’s not about the trophy, it’s about our character and about Christ. Truthfully, I don’t think motives are a problem for us. I think we just seek some encouragement… someone to come alongside of us, take our hand, and say, “I see the work you are putting in and I want to tell you to keep going girl.”
So this post may be more for me, to remind myself of the truth that my hurt is being self inflicted and that, even if not recognized for my hard work, that I have done a great job and will keep doing a great job.
If you get anything out of this today I pray that it prepares you for the time when your expectations get the best of you and leave you in tears over something you dreamed up in your fairytale. Because girl (or boy) you work hard and I’ve noticed your growth and how you’ve challenged yourself. This has been a great year and I need you to keep pushing.
I am praying for you guys, especially around this time because I know it is hard and I know that hurt we can bring to ourselves.
XOXO, The Christian Prepster