A year has passed since I wrote this and within that year, serious growth and progress has been made. Today is my birthday (whoop whoop) and this year, along with all of my excitement and joy of being a year older, I am starting to do something I have never really done before. And I don’t think I like it, to be honest.
I am starting to fear the future. I know what you are all probably saying… “please psycho, can you just stop being so scared,” and truthfully I’m telling myself the same thing. I’m a year older which brings new independence and freedom but with a heavy load of responsibility tagging right a long. However, that is not what I am afraid of.
I’m scared about the change. I’m scared of my friends also getting older and moving onto to bigger and better things while I finish up high school. I’m scared of the fact that in a year I don’t know where I’ll be or what my life will look like. But ultimately… I am kind of terrified of growth and the fact that I was SUPER bold in praying that whatever, no matter what, I want to bring glory to the Lord and that He has full control over everything ( yeah I said everything).
I know that sounds bad because as a Christian that is really, deep down, what I want. But I don’t think I knew what I was asking for when I knelt down to pray. And again, I do want the things I asked for, I am just surprised that the Lord answered my prayer so quickly and so well (actually I’m not surprised at all… I should have known).
But I’m the type of girl that hates being scared and despises fear… so naturally I’m going to tackle this fear of the future and suck it up.
last year I made a list of a few goals I wanted to achieve before my next birthday…. here was the list.
- Celebrating the little things
- Be myself
- Exceed expectations
- Pursue God above all else
- Love when it’s hard
- Read, write, and do more reading
I think I have grown a lot in some of these but reading over them again… I still need tons of work. I think that this year, as I tackle my fear of the future… I’m going to focus on one goal. One goal that I think encompasses something I want to be extremely good at because this world needs a whole lot more of love.
This year I want to love others even when it’s hard. I mean even when it’s REALLY hard. because love is defined as selflessness and Jesus calls us to love. Not when it’s easy or when it’s convenient but when it takes all of ourselves and everything we are.
So yeah, I’m scared for what my future holds, but I am fully confident that it will be good because my future is in the hands of the only one true king who left His thrown to be with me. That will forever be the best birthday present a girl can ask for.
XOXO, The Christian Prepster